Three red chairs in the classically restored St Pancras Hotel, London
St Pancras Hotel
Category: Personal
In memory of Beken Ayuq
In February 2007, I had the great pleasure of photographing this lovely lady for my book of Malaysian portraits. A Kelabit elder in the highlands of Bario in Sarawak, she goes by several names, as I discovered, the Kelabits have a tradition of having several names. Her full title I believe was Tepuq Na’am Ka’an @ Beken Ayuq @ Sineh Napung Aran @ Dayang Aran. She passed away on 16 April, 2014 at 105 years. She spent her time threading beads to make traditional hats and necklaces. Some of the glass beads are heirlooms and are highly values amongst the Kelabit.
Here is an article about her here and a tribute by David Lian Labang below :
“In memory of Tepuq Beken Ayuq best testimonial act after bed ridden for over a year of unbearable pain from a femoral head fracture and underwent a speedy recovery in less than 2 month after a Hemiarthroplasty surgery (Hip replacement surgery) ~ which stopped the pain and made her able her to stand up and walk again. (No one expected that she could walk once more but only the possibility of standing up)
Well, my admiration of this Tepuq Beken Ayuq that, she could withstand the unbearable pain and long hours of bedtimes alone in which, the state of depression and lost of hope and confidence in oneself can set in for more than 1 year without surgery and, I’ve come to understand this torturous depressive state ~ from personal experience for laying helplessly in bed for less then “2 hours long” waiting for someone to help me because I was totally immobilized and not able to move my legs and arms from a different illness last year.
Tepuq Beken was the Iron Lady of the Kelabit people. She surpassed all medical, mental, physical, philosophical, historical and underwent all childhood hardships of unfortunate circumstances and into the 21st century modernity and technological advances.
Well, i know that it wasn’t technology that made her walk but it was necessary as an assistance and improvement to minimise pain. What really made her overcome depressions, self-confidence and a true belief in knowing that she would be able to walk again was her faith in Christ Jesus and her belief in the promises in the word of God and the prayers of all family and visitors that came to visit her.
As I know that wisdom extends/prolongs life.. I for one would never let her mind be discouraged or let be lukewarm. No matter how stubborn and uncooperative she would have been to others, but one thing for sure.. she responds well to the truth as she hears it with humility and a humble heart and the re-assurances from the Gospel in which she agrees to and conforms her heart into.
Never in my life I would expect myself to be convincing an elderly wise person like my grandmother who taught and instructed me a lot over the years. And I’ve never envisioned myself to be preaching the word from the bible; correcting her, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and with careful instruction to her.
She humbled me greatly and with tears (as it reminded me of my late grandpa which his humbleness and wisdom has never in anytime in his life would ever leave,separated or divorce his wife in any circumstances made me understood what he truly meant (dropping him on the plane from Bario to Miri for a serious medical treatment of his swollen leg) when he said as reminder while he is away saying “don’t leave tepuq alone and try to treat her well. she may be difficult at times but don’t get angry at her. she has gone through a lot in a lifetime and she is genuinely good person actually”. I said “sure. I’ll take care of her”. (listening but didn’t understand how is it possible for me, a grandson can ever to deal with her myself)
Grandpa (Tepuq Wan Bala) recovered from his swollen leg after 1 month in hospital, 2 month with me taking care of him in Bario and passed away 1 month after returning home with his wife in they own house. At grandpa’s funeral, I was in tears frustrated at him for leaving me alone to handle her alone by myself. As if, he was treating me unfairly by putting all that responsibility unto me unbalanced because I was an assisting grandson to them both but pre-maturely became a role given by him to balance her instead.
Over the years, after grandpa left, I kept patient and diligently seek the way how grandpa managed to handle her and throughout the years, I learnt so much about history, cultural values and kelabit identity through the fellowship she and I discussed together and to confided in her wisdom and knowledge (in defining our Kelabit language, culture, values and heart).
As I learnt to understand that no one should be alone and especially someone of an elderly age that are wise, hardly speaks of needing company and being a Christian, sharing the gospel was a good time together and reminding each other the opportunity to keep transforming by renewing of the mind.
Ephesians 6:12-13 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Well, for all that has gone past and history as shed tears. In all things, good time or bad times, fortunate and unfortunate circumstances.. tepuq beken ayuq and I have learnt to rejoice, praising the Lord in thanksgiving and in all glory unto Him because His goodness and mercy endures forever.
Lastly, peace to the brothers and sisters, and love with faith from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.”
LookBack – Old Havana, 2011
I have been searching for some notable images recently on my archive and as usual, had a good look at the Cuba images from one of the explorenation workshops we ran in the Summer 2011. These stood out for me worthy of a review. They was taken in Old Havana, in a dodgy looking side street around 8pm. Old Havana is like some typical Spanish city, but about 60 years behind. Amazing pre-war architectural, ornate windows, but totally derelict, and in need of regeneration. Sodium vapour lamps casts monochromatic orange hues onto street surfaces, Yank Tanks and children playing football. This picture was taken inside one of these buildings, and was our destination for the evening. It houses a very well-known restaurant La Guarida (state-run, of course, like every business in Cuba) but totally Western in concept, taste and even the grungy style added to it’s charm. We hope to make another trip back soon, hasta la vista Cuba.
More on Cuba here.
No Bull
Culver Down, Bembridge, IoW
Commonscapes 9
I got lucky – Bluegates Pond, Wimbledon Common
Being the warmest day so far this year, I took a walk, dog in tow, along Wimbledon Parkside just as the sun was setting today. I sat on the lakeside on a huge tree trunk and got off a few shots of this pond at dusk. A few minutes later several geese and some ducks swam towards me. This one goose started to flap it’s wings at me, and I got off a few more with the little Ricoh on continuous. This was the best pic out of the lot.
Poujols by Pascal Lapierre, 2002
In 2002, I exchanged prints with a fellow French photographer from a photo blog. It was pretty much the first time I had ‘purchased’ a print without parting with any cash. The photographer was Pascal Lapierre from Annecy who actually got in touch with me and asked if I would like to exchange one of my Parisien photos with any of his. I chose this one (above) from his website titled ‘Poujols’ of a mother and child twirling to music in the foreground, and several couples from a village dancing in the open-air, in what must have been a village fair or fete. I still think it is a lovely image, one of those photos that are timeless. I can stare at this picture endlessly.
I only just pulled the bubble envelope out from my filing cabinet and discovered this A4 sized print last week, having been stored away for so long. Today, the window mount which I ordered arrived in the mail, and I have finally framed it. Just need a prominent wall to hang it.
InstantLondon – Savile Row
Savile Row, London W1
LookBack : The Forgotten Sufferers – The Lepers of Sungei Buloh, 1999
A recent posting on a friend’s personal blog about her visit to the leprosarium in Sungei Buloh just outside Kuala Lumpur urged me to dig out this series of images I had put together way back in 2000 for a grant submission, photographed at the same colony. Built by the British in the 1930s, this is a vast area in the foothills surrounded by lush tropical forests and plantations. There is a clinic building, blocks of houses where the inmates lived in basic conditions, a small chapel, mosque and Hindu temple, shops and schools back then. It appears that there are still many inmates living there in semi-isolation, and the public are free to make visits. Many have used their spare time to grow vegetables and make handicrafts, whilst others just hang out in the coffee shops.
These are just scans, as I have lost the original negatives or perhaps, misplaced them. They will eventually surface in the future, no doubt. These were shot in film, using a Konica Hexar 35, one of the best film cameras then and still is. It has a ‘stealth’ mode, when set, produces an absolutely silent shutter. Self-printed also, with full frame edge borders. (How I miss making prints in my bathroom!)
I only got my first digital camera in 2003.
Sub-titled 1
Centering. A personal philosophy.
Shelter, Shanklin, IoW
Recently I had lunch with a friend in London. She’s from Penang, went to college in the US, speaks French and now works for a relief organisation in Central Africa. She just returned from a quick home visit and was passing through London. She did spend a couple of years living and working here and I asked apart from seeing old friends, why she needed to drop by London. ‘Centering’, she said. Putting things into order and perspective. Taking stock I guess. London, is a familiar place. When she first arrived in London, she hated the cold, dark and wet weather, the short winter days, the reserved British, the stodgy food and the exorbitant prices you have to pay for anything decent to eat. London itself never change. Londoners do.
Anyway, I did some thinking whilst riding home on the tube and wondering how this phrase ‘centering’ would relate to photography and one’s approach to it, in a most pragmatic way. It would have to be a personal one, but any kind of ‘semi-theory’ would and must apply universally to prove it true. A quick google of the word in photography returned many articles about composition and basic photography rules, and about the rights and wrongs in aesthetics, portraiture etc, which wasn’t what I was searching for. No, not the practical aspects of the word.
Many photographers I know are seeking the ‘holy grail’ answer to ‘better pictures’. ‘How do I take good pictures’, ‘find good stories’. I read somewhere recently that to make interesting pictures, you have got to be an interesting person. If you do not have interest in your subject, be it a person, community or a story idea, then how are you going to get into the situation of making an in-depth image about it. For keen photographers, taking workshops, attending talks and seminars do help. Learning from your peers and more established photographers will help open your eyes to new methods of working, fresh ideas, and opportunities. However, one mustn’t loose sight to the fact that it will be yourself that will have to make the change, once your instructor or mentor has left, and the workshop is over.
This is about ‘centering’.
Centering is about gathering your thoughts and ideas, into one’s mind, and accepting what is new and understanding your own skill set, ability and determination to progress as a photographer. It is little about ‘moving on’ which is a phrase I often hear. “Let’s move on and do something new”. No, in fact, let’s stay put. Think through your projects and ideas, from the past, and see whether they can be developed or cast away. In today’s fast paced online world, we tend to only want to receive “Likes” and gain followers but are unwilling to invest a little time and effort in self-discovery and education. Until you know what makes you tick, your works will only be a reinterpretation of others, of the familiar and the cliché, and does not have your own ‘stamp’ on them.
What is this so-called ‘personal style’ or visual signature’ that so many mentors in workshops bang on about developing, then ? Hell, if I know the answer. I think this is an often misquoted and misunderstood phrase. One cannot ‘develop’ a style if one has no style. I don’t mean that in the fashion sense, (the images of Sapeurs of the Congo always comes to mind). Visual styles can only come from one’s understanding of their subjects and not vice versa. I mean, only if you know what you are shooting, can you determine a stylistic approach to your photography. Not always, but nearly. They can also develop naturally through trial and error, and experimentation. Digital photography and post-shoot editing software has made it easier, and hence film shooters think different in this approach to visual styles. The ‘shoot first, fix later’ methodology today allows photographers to make imprecise decisions, and hence, their work is less tight than film users.
The other aspect of centering is an examination (of sorts) of self. Asking the questions about who you are, what you aim to achieve, what subjects interests you, your ability as a photographer, understanding of the socio-cultural uses of your images amongst your peers and audience, fame or infamy and acceptance issues is a good way to start. This introspective self-examination will make you a better photographer. Honestly. A newer DSLR would not. After all, we can’t all be a Salgado or McCurry. Now that would be a boring place. Wouldn’t it.
explorenation.net ~ photography posts, workshops, writings and thoughts by Steven V-L Lee 
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